Saturday, December 31, 2016

My 5 Steps to Cuckolding

Hello dear readers,

Its come to my attention that it has been a while since I’ve given my side of the story in our cuckolding adventures.  So I am going to try to do my best here to update you.  It has been a while so I have a lot going through my head and there has been a lot of time that has gone by so I’m going to try to update without confusing and without too much at once. 

I have received some emails from women who are interested in starting a cuckold adventure asking for some advice.  One piece of advice I can give is to make sure you proceed at YOUR pace.  It’s a mutual adventure but if it’s something you are not ready for then just wait.  Give it time.  Otherwise, it won’t be as fun and you want it to be an adventure that you both enjoy.  Some couples are ready to jump in and go.  While other couples are more cautious and take a bit longer…like myself.

We started our adventure not too long ago so it’s still pretty new to us.  However, I do believe that we have progressed forward in this adventure.  We started this adventure at the suggestion of my husband.  He was excited with the idea of my being with other men.  The more we talked about it the more excited I got about the idea of being with other men.  You have to realize that I met my husband as a virgin and have not been with any other man besides my husband.  Today we’ve been married 23 years.  So the thought of being with another man sexually was scary yet exciting at the same time. 

There were serious discussions as far as communication was involved and such…I’m sure if you are following my husband’s blog (http://sherulestherooster.blogspot.com/) are familiar with these conversations so I will not elaborate.  One big concern I had was if he was sure that he wanted me to have sex with another man…this was something that could not be undone! Once it’s done…it’s done!  It could break up a marriage.  He said he was. So we moved forward. 

It was a very slow process for me. Meeting new people isn’t easy for me.  The first time I had sex with someone other than my husband it was with someone I was friends with and both my husband and I enjoyed it tremendously so we decided let’s keep going.  My dear husband wants to watch and eventually participate and be part of a threesome.  Not where its man with man…but where both men are pleasing me together.  I see these as next steps for me.  I need to feel comfortable being with another man by myself first.  Then we can move forward from there.

Fast forward a bit… I’ve now been with at least 6 different men.  Some I had sex with just once…others more than a few different occasions.  Each one different and each one has it’s pros and cons.  (Again…my husband’s blog also lists the “Cast of Characters” and he describes each of these men!) Each of these have been where I’ve met them by myself.  I met them on a swinger’s site.  My hope was to become friends with the men.  Become regular players  together and once we were confident with each other.  Then we could include my husband.  Well, for various reasons this hasn’t been the case.  I found out that this is rather difficult because with “friendship” comes drama and so on.  Anyway, I’ve gone back and forth about whether it’s better to be friends with lovers or just be one time sexcapades. This is too long to post about here so maybe I can post about those thoughts at another time.

My fantasies have revolved around younger men.  I’ve always wanted a young hot stud who has stamina and who can go more than one round during a session.  My dear husband, I love him dearly, but the older we get the less stamina he has and he can only go one round!  I think his excitement about me being with younger men is for that reason.  He wants me, his queen, to be happy sexually and wants me to find a young stud who has more stamina than he does and who can please me over and over again.  I am not looking for someone with tons of experience with couples either.  Too much experience is rather intimidating to me being that this experience is still new to me.   

Well the reality for me has been different than fantasized.  5 of my 6 lovers were younger.  I am 44 and they were most under 30. What I have found was that the younger guys seem to be more flaky.  They are not very consistent and tend to back out last minute.  Obviously, this isn’t true with all…but I’ve found this true with most.  The problems I am running into with the younger guys is that they don’t have places of their own.  I have children so I can’t host at my place.  These younger guys either live with roommates or live at home with their parents.  One was living on his own temporarily, but he was in the military and when his lease was over he decided to move on base awaiting his orders.  So most of these sexcapades either occurred in my van or in a hotel.  On to the current lover… #6.

#6 is older.  He is 7 years older than me.  Not the age I’d actively be looking for.  He contacted me via the swingers website.  I almost just deleted his message as I usually do with older men.  But he seemed cuter… for an older man.  And he also seemed down to earth and new to the lifestyle.  He was recently separated and trying to explore sexually.  So I decided to meet him over coffee to see if there was a connection and I was rather surprised how well we hit it off.  We could talk easily and I could tell he was sexually excited by me.  One of the aspects of hotwifing/cuckolding is the confidence that it gives me.  My confidence skyrockets when another man gets erect from my body.  I’m happier and walk taller and I become more sexual towards my husband.  My dear husband notices how confident I get.  The negative part of being with him is that he lives farther away so it’s a bit of a drive for me.  But the great part about him being an older man is that he has his own place right  by the beach.   He’s been married so he seems to understand how I think and react to certain things.  He’s more patient with me and we both have children (His are a bit older… in college) so we both understand that our families come first. 

Well, we have actually developed a friendship and try to get together at least once a week.  With the holidays it has been a little less often but that’s fine.  Up to this point in my husband and my adventure in cuckolding I have met my lovers by myself while telling my husband about every detail! I hadn’t been comfortable enough to have my husband join.  Well, with this new lover, #6. I have gone to what I call step 2.  Step 1 is meeting new lovers and having sex with them by myself.  Step 2- for me is taking pictures.  So with lover #6…I was comfortable enough to send pictures of our sexual exploits.  Maybe I’ll post some of those pictures later...once I figure out how to do that.  I sent my husband pictures of me sucking my lovers dick, of his dick slipping inside of me wet pussy and of me on top of my lover.  Talk about totally hot!  This was super exciting.  Talked about sending video next time and even having my dear husband listen on the phone while we fucked like crazy!  FUN! FUN! FUN!

So now we are getting ready for the next step in our adventure.

Step 3 is having my husband watch!  I am super excited that I found lover #6 because this is all new to him as well and he’s super excited to be the third wheel in our cuckold adventures.  We have become friends and so my comfort level with him has grown so I am comfortable moving to the next step. 

My husband posted about my hotel fantasy but I will just still give you my side of the story. My fantasy revolves around meeting my lover and my husband at a hotel.  My lover and I will do as we always do.  My lover and I will kiss. We will undress each other.  He will finger me to make sure I’m wet and excited to see him.  I will feel his hard dick to make sure he’s ready. Then we will fuck! My husband will only be watching at this time.  My husband cannot masturbate either.  He can only watch.  He can’t touch me or talk to me…just watch.  Then when my lover and I are done.  My husband and I will fuck. While my lover watches.  Then when me and my husband are finished then I will suck my lover’s dick to get him ready for the next round.  Then my lover and I will fuck again!  While my husband only watches!  Then when we are done I will kiss my husband goodbye and send him home…alone. I will then spend the night at the hotel with my lover.  We will surely have sex a few more times that evening into the next day!

Then hopefully we can move forward to the next steps.

Step 4 is husband participating in a threesome!  Not just taking turns between my lover and my husband but playing with both of them at the same time.  It would be so exciting to have one of them sucking my tits while the other one is licking my clitoris.  One of them fucking me while I’m giving the other one a blow job!  The scenarios are endless!

Step 5 is going to a swingers party.  Not sure about my comfort level here but you never know what I may feel like doing down the line. 

5 Steps to Cuckolding (for me!)

Step 1—Have sex with a lover by myself while explaining details afterwards to my husband.
Step 2—Having sex by myself and taking pictures, video of sexcapades.
Step 3—Having sex with my lover while my husband watches
Step 4—Participating in a threesome with my husband and lover
Step 5—Going to a Swingers Party and having multiple partners

Sorry for such a long post.  Guess it’s been a long time since I’ve posted and there has been a lot going on since.

Until next time,

Suzy


Saturday, April 9, 2016

Answers to some questions

I had some questions from an anonymous reader regarding my last post.  My answers were kinda long so I decided to just answer them as my new blog post.  I have a few posts coming this weekend.

Anonymous,

Thank you for your comment.  I will try to answer the questions you asked as well as possible.  I have cut and pasted your questions, followed by my answers.  As you know, this is a new adventure for us so these answers are from how I'm feeling currently.

From what I understand it's not uncommon for the wife to leave for one of the Bulls.

I think that there are probably some wives who leave for the bulls but I believe it's less common than you think.  It's probably those marriages that are entering the cuckold lifestyle for the wrong reasons. (They are missing something in their marriage. Or they are not happy)  This isn't the case for us.  I don't feel like I'm missing anything.  We have entered this lifestyle cause it's fun, exciting, and spices up our marriage after 22 years.  I also believe wives leave because there is no communication.  Communication is key to this adventure.  If there was any threat or concern that I would start falling in love with any of my bulls or that I felt my marriage was being threatened then I would stop.

Would you quit cuckolding if your husband didn't want it anymore or if it started to be a negative thing for him?

Absolutely, no questions asked.  This lifestyle doesn't define who I am.  It's fun for me and my husband.  I'm always making sure that every decision is acceptable to my husband before I move forward.  If there is anything that my husband is not comfortable with then I will not do it.  We both have what we call veto power.  If it's uncomfortable for either of us, it's not going to happen.
 
Have cuckolding changed your view of your husband? If not careful, you might start to look down on him or think of him as a lesser man?

No, it has not changed my view of my husband at all.  If it has, it has only in a very positive way.  My husband is one to always put me first in our sexual encounters.  It's about my pleasure and then it's him.  He knows how I work and knows me very well.  He should after 22 years of marriage.  In every encounter I have had with my bulls there have been some differences and I have "learned" some stuff but I have always ended my evenings saying "This was great! But it's not my husband" It's different but not necessarily better. There may be some things that my bull may have done better, but it's just a learning tool for me and my husband.  I can come home and teach him how I enjoyed it and he can learn from it.  It'll only make my marriage stronger. Anyway, I hope I answered that question. I feel like I rambled on.

Do you use protection? 

Yes, always.  My biggest fear is disease and pregnancy.  I also avoid playing with men who have lots of experience.  Since this is new to us. It intimidates me playing with people who have lots of experience.  I would rather play with someone who may be just starting and is learning about this lifestyle with us.

Do you have any rules regarding cuckolding?

Like what?  What kind of rules?  I will answer this as to how I interpret the question.  Please ask if you mean something more specific.  I may have already answered that in one of my answers above.  I am allowed to play alone. I ask him before meeting anyone if he's okay with it.  I don't play with anyone without his "permission" if you want to call it that.  He has to be okay with it.  If he's ever uncomfortable with things... I will stop. So far, it's been a positive experience and we haven't really needed any rules, per se.  As we move forward in this lifestyle maybe there will be more rules that we need to consider.    

How do you see your cuckolding change in the future?

I'm not sure about this one.  After a time it may get old for us and we may stop.  Or we can keep doing it.  There are lots of young guys who are into this lifestyle so if one bull gets boring then I'm hopeful that I can find another young bull interested in joining our sex play. It's not something we do all the time.  It's something we enjoy in our free time... with work and three kids. It's not very often.  And as I said before... it's all new. We aren't even in it 100% yet.  I'm still looking and trying to find just the right young lover to fulfill our wants and desires.

How do you see your other sexual dynamic change in the future?

This is all good!  My husband and my sex life has improved drastically since we started this lifestyle.  He wants me more often and I want him more often.  Not really sure why this works.  But it does.  We have more sex now with each other than we did as newlyweds.  So for the future...I don't see this having any negative effect.  It could only get better as we both learn what I enjoy when it comes to sex.  I do believe that having younger studs interested in my older "mom" body makes me feel more sexual which in turn I become more sexual towards my husband.  This can only be good for us in the future! I hope!

Do you have any goals yourself regarding cuckolding?

Not really.  But I may in the near future.

Where will it end? Just as it is now with you occasionally cuckolding your husband or do you see some other end?

I don't see it any differently.  As long as we are both enjoying it.  I couldn't handle more. There just isn't the time nor the energy for more.  And it's fun for both of us so no need to stop it. Why fix something that isn't broke. ;)

Until next time,

Suzy

Tuesday, April 5, 2016

On a Wild Ride

Hello my dear readers,

I have to admit these last few months have been such a whirlwind for me.  My husband and I recently started a cuckold relationship.  This started at the urging of my husband.  There have been ups and downs to get to where I am now.  The first lover I took was a volunteer at my work and I was very nervous as I had never had sex with anyone other than my husband.  I totally enjoyed having sex with another man and totally letting go of myself.  It was a different experience in that I really enjoyed kissing him.  He had a tongue ring that surprised me but he had a way of passionately kissing me.  I also enjoyed his assertiveness.  My husband likes me to be in charge in the bedroom so I enjoyed being the submissive one.  There were other aspects that were different but that's not really the point of this post.  He and I probably played together four times.  I was enjoying it so much that I was hoping that it would become a more regular thing.  But...it has ended and most likely won't happen again with him.  But it was the first step forward for me.  I was anxious about being with someone other than my husband.  Well, I found out I enjoyed it and want to try it again.  This first step I thought was made easier because I knew him and we were "friends" first.  The concern I had in my last blog was whether it was a good idea to have sex with friends or to keep it more casual and make it just about the sex.  I was worried about emotions getting involved with friends.

I do have to say that my relationship with my husband has improved A LOT! I wasn't expecting him to be so excited about me being with other men.  I thought is may be a fantasy but would he still get a thrill if it really happened.  You can't undo something like this.  Well, my husband has treated me more like his queen than ever before.  He sees me as more attractive knowing that a younger guy finds me attractive.  I feel the same way.  The idea of a younger man finding this 44 year old mother of three hot and sexual has been a confidence booster for me too! I won't deny that!

So then I decided to join a swingers website.  I posted a sexy picture of myself and waited.  Well, I sure didn't have to wait very long for responses.  It felt a bit overwhelming filtering through the email to find real, genuine men to play with...who didn't live far away and who could host.  There are so many variables involved.  My husband posted about this in his blog recently so I won't go into too much detail here.  Some guys I interacted with (all via email) were either too assertive, too into themselves or not assertive enough.  I was nervous about meeting someone new.  How do I know he's not a lunatic who's going to rape me or do something crazy to me.  I have to trust that I have good judgment here.  There was this one man who happens to be under 30 and he was persistent enough to peak my interest.  We met over coffee and there was an instant attraction on both our parts.  So he became my 2nd lover.  We played a few times.  Two times were at hotels and one time was in my van. I really enjoyed playing with him and he too was different.  I didn't realize how they can all be different.  I just figured men were pretty much the same.  How wrong I was.  He was very sweet, attentive and respectful.  He never pushed the limits or did anything that I didn't want to.  I felt lucky to have found him.  I feel like the second barrier was broken in the fact that I met someone I didn't know and it turned out great.  Well, we decided that we wanted to be friends as well as lovers because we thought it would make us more comfortable with each other if we were friends.  Well, I realized now that this was a wrong decision.  It may work with other couples but it's not working for me.  I am too emotional and such a hot head to have friends as lovers.  First of all, I do have to mention that this lover # 2 has a girlfriend who does not know he plays around.  I know, I know... this was my first mistake.  First, finding a time and place to meet was very difficult.  And he did have some guilt about playing around as well.  Second, what happens with friends (For me, anyway) is that we got in this habit of him texting me every day, so when he didn't text me I thought he was upset at me or didn't want to play any more... my emotions became involved.  Then there was this trust thing.  With friends you expect to be able to trust them and want them to be able to trust you.  I totally trusted him but he had this serious trust issue.  He didn't trust me.  It got to the point where he even thought I was stalking him at his work...I don't even know where he works.  So then I got upset about his lack to trust in me.  Then I would get sad and depressed and upset.  This isn't what I wanted.  Then I go through this whole thought that maybe this cuckold lifestyle isn't for me.  I'm too emotional for this...yada yada yada.  I wasn't playing with anyone else at this time.  I was only playing with him (lover # 2) because I felt like I was betraying him by having sex with someone else (other than my husband of course).  So I was waiting on him being available.  We would schedule a play date then he would cancel last minute because of the girlfriend.  It became too much for me.  Then I came to the conclusion that for me (this over emotional woman) I can't be friends with my lovers.  So now I'm on a young lover manhunt again.  I've become a true cougar!  I decided to go back to the swingers website and find myself a few boy toys to play with.  No friendships.  Just a text or a call to have some good, hot sex.  That's all.  This way if one guy isn't available to play then the other one can.  I don't have to involve emotions and can have all the fun I want.

So where am I now...I have made initial contact with three young men, I call my boy toys.  We have emailed and texted back and forth.  I am making plans to meet each of them for an initial meet and greet over coffee.  One this Friday. Another one this weekend.  The other one sometime next week. They each live  closer than lover #2.  Neither of them have girlfriends.  And they all have some experience with cuckold couples, but not a lot.  I am very intimidated by men who have a lot of experience because my husband and I are just beginning this new lifestyle. We have exchanged pictures and there is an initial attraction on both ends for all three of them.  More so with one in particular.  So after that initial meet and greet we will see if there's still attraction after meeting face to face and proceed from there. If I like them all then maybe I'll have three new lovers to experiment with.  No need to be friends... just lovers.  I do enjoy the sex with other men and coming home to a husband who is excitedly waiting for his wife's return.  And lover #2 is still in the picture (I actually have plans to play with him this weekend) but with less communication throughout the week.  This way I'm not disappointed when he can't get together because of the girlfriend.  Well, I'll just call up one of my other lovers then.

Hopefully, I'll be able to keep posting more regularly as this new lifestyle progresses.  I'm excited about the possibility of having multiple young lovers who find me sexy.  I'd like to give my side of the story of how it has positively affected my relationship with my husband as he definitely has shared his perspective.   Just needed to catch everyone up to speed as to where I am now. My dear husband is excited for me to have a connection with these men because he won't be able to have sex with me until I have sex with one of my new lover boys!  For my husband's sake...I hope it'll be sooner rather than later!

Until next time,

Suzy

Monday, November 16, 2015

How it all began


Good Evening Dear Readers,

I need to give you a history of my background to get a true feeling of where I’m coming from and where my thoughts and doubts and questions come from.  To begin with I was raised in a Catholic home where sex was never talked about.  It was rather taboo in my house.  It was only for marriage and wasn’t really talked about being fun.  So… I went to college a virgin and never had sex until I met my future husband.  I was 21 the first time I had sex.  Luckily, it was with my long term boyfriend of over a year.  Who eventually became my husband.  My husband was not very experienced himself.  He had sex as a teenager but not on a regular basis.  So we were both rather new to sex.  It took a while for me to actually enjoy sex and never did I ever imagine I would ever have sex with anyone other than my husband.  He was my first and would be my last… was my original thought.  Besides, isn’t that the way its SUPPOSED to be?  Those are the rules I grew up with.  We enjoyed sex with each other but I was very shy and wasn’t really into exploration.  It was missionary style and pretty much it. As the years went by I was open to more variety and started to enjoy different positions and toys.  It took a while, about 15 years for my husband to open up about his fantasies.  He wasn’t sure what I would think about them.  He didn’t want me to think he was weird or not love him any more.  He just wasn’t sure.  As he started to open up a bit more with my acceptance and non judgmental attitude.  He opened up more and more to me.  There were lots of fantasies of his that we tried and I was open to experimenting with.  And some things that I was not, and still am not interested in.  And he respects my limits.  Some things I’ve enjoyed and some I haven’t.  I have expressed my feelings about them all to my husband.  He enjoys me taking charge of our sex life, which has been rather difficult for me because that’s just not me.  He would like a female led relationship and there are some aspects of it that I do enjoy.  He has blogged about this on his blog.  I won’t go into detail on my blog as I’m interested in talking about how we arrived to our current Cuckholding adventure.  If anyone would like my perspective on the female led relationship I can go more into detail at another time. 

Fast forward 20 years… My husband shared with me his fantasy of me being with another man.  I always thought this was just a joke.  Really? How could you really want me to be with another man.  Honestly, I would hate it if he was with another woman.  It would be grounds for a divorce in my book.  I think its more because of my insecurities more than anything.  If she’s hotter than me, has a better body than me or if she’s better at sex than me.  That would be on my mind all the time and I’m just not comfortable with that.  Anyway, I would eventually start teasing him about me being with another man.  I would make comments about having another set of hands all over me.  Having another man suck my tits while my husband penetrated me with his hard cock.  Then I started to realize how exciting this was for me…these fantasies as well.  We would go to a specific restaurant and I would point out a certain young waiter.  His name happened to be Cory.  I would make all kinds of comments about Cory being my younger hunk that could be my lover.  This would excite my husband that its become an inside joke for us.  He’s my new Cory whenever I see a young, cute waiter at a restaurant! 
As I started to realize that this could be an interesting and new adventure we started posting adds on Craigslist for a threesome.  For a younger male lover to please me.  As you could imagine, we received responses from some crazy guys and a few that seemed okay.  Well, some we tried to meet at a restaurant but flaked.  Some cancelled at the last minute.  Some didn’t show up and one we met and he just totally wasn’t my type.  However, I never really felt like I was comfortable going to the next step of having sex.  After that initial meet up.  I was nervous, scared.  Wasn’t on the pill so I was afraid of pregnancy.  I was worried that I wouldn’t be good enough in bed.  All kinds of doubts went through my head.  I just wasn’t sure.  Until one day…

This is really turning out to be a very long post.  I do apologize if its rather dry and boring but feel like I need to explain how our new adventure began.  There will be a few posts after this to describe where we are now. 

Well, there was a younger man who started to volunteer at my work.  At first, he was there maybe a few days a week for 3 hours a day.  Then it eventually turned into every day for 3 hours a day.  He is a very nice man.  Very friendly, caring and talkative.  We developed a friendship that would be expected when you spend so much time with one person. He knew I was married.  He is divorced with a young daughter.  He eventually started flirting with me and then started pursuing me.  We texted each other.  He was very persistent.  He was a smooth talker and I was excited about the fact that he was a younger man.  There is some excitement in the fact that another man other than my husband thinks I’m hot and wants to fuck me.  Makes me feel sexy.  He is 10 years younger than me.  He is not interested in my husband being involved or even wants him to know.  As far as this “friend” knows, us getting together would be me having an affair without my husband knowing.  Now, this “friend” has way more experience in the sex department than I do.  And he was aware that I have never been with anyone other than my husband.  Maybe, its more of a goal to him…I’ll be the first guy to have sex with her other than her husband.  I don’t know.  Now, I wasn’t interested in having an affair.  However, my husband had expressed to me that he would be okay if I had sex with another man as long as he knew about it.  So I asked him if he would be okay if I had sex with my new friend.  My dear husband was so excited that he wanted to help me dress for this sexual encounter.  He even sent me off with a few condoms. 

I felt like I could go through with having sex with another man this time because I knew him. He was a friend and someone I felt I could trust.  There were still concerns for me and my husband.  I sure don’t want to get pregnant.  Since we are friends first will I develop deeper feelings once sex is involved?   Will my husband actually be okay with me having sex with another man after it actually happens? This is something we can’t undo.  We can’t rewind and make it disappear.  These thoughts were very real.  We did talk about all these feelings and doubts and were sure to talk about it more after the sexual encounter to make sure we were both still okay with it.  If he was uncomfortable or if I was uncomfortable we both had veto power and it would immediately stop.    
So, I set up my first sexual encounter with my new “friend”.  It wasn’t the ideal situation.  We had sex in the back seat of a car like crazy teenagers. I had an amazing orgasm even though he didn’t.  I was very nervous about it.  Would I be good? Would he enjoy it?  Would he not like my body (it’s not the same body I had at 21)?  I had all these doubts… But it was great! I happened to enjoy it way more than I thought I would.  And wanted to do it again.  In fact, we did the next week. 

My husband and I discussed the encounter and both he and I decided it was so exciting that he wanted me to continue with this new lover.  Now, the encounter was different. And it did make me appreciate what I have with my husband.  I can go more into detail on my next post by what I mean by different.  I will also go more into detail about that first experience. 

Now my final question that I am not sure of the answer yet is if I made the right decision of picking a friend to fulfill our sexual fantasy.  Does this mean it’s inevitable that feelings will be involved? Will I be more emotional because it is a friend?  Is it better to be with a stranger that I meet at a swinger party where emotions won’t be involved?  As I go into more detail as to where we are now, I have a better idea of what the answer may be.  I’d like to know my readers opinions on this question.  Especially those involved in cuckholding relationships.  How can someone have sex with another person and not have some emotions attached to that experience.  I don’t know if I can have sex with someone and not get involved emotionally with that person.  I know it happens all the time in one night stands.  That there are relationships that are purely sex…but can I do that?  Are some people just more emotional than others?  Any thoughts and comments would be appreciated.  Thanks.  Until next time.

Wednesday, September 23, 2015

Cuckolding...a New Adventure has begun

I can't believe that my last post was in 2012.  That was a long time ago.  Well, I'd like to start posting again.  I have to say that my sex life with my husband has changed a bit over the years. Its interesting that after 21 years of marriage we are still learning about each other sexually.  You'd think that there couldn't be anything new to learn about your significant other.  Well, I am wrong.  I think that may be why our sex life is still exciting after 21 years of marriage...we keep learning something new.  I think the reason I am NOW learning about my husbands fantasies is because he was unsure about how I was going to react to them.  He was worried that I would not love him or that I would think he was weird.  He was afraid of my reaction and didn't want to lose me.  I can understand that.

My husband wants me to take a more aggressive approach to sex.  He wants me to initiate sex and wants me to be the more dominant partner.  Well, this has been a difficult role for me to take because I'm not a real dominate person.  I like him to initiate.  We've tried ways of me being dominant.  I'll try things because it's what he wants, what he enjoys and he's my husband.  I have to admit that some things we've tried, I have enjoyed.  I enjoy blindfolding him and pulling out the whips and swatting his ass!  I'm just not an initiater...and then I also get upset when he tells me what he wants me to do.  I don't know why I'm so confused about it.  Maybe it's because I'm not used to it or maybe it's because it's outside my comfort zone.  These adventures are few and far between.

A big fantasy of my husband has been cuckolding.  He's always fantasized about me being with another man.  This has been a fantasy of his for a very long time.  He would prefer a threesome or being able to watch.  This has been very interesting to me because I would totally, absolutely HATE it if he was with another woman.  It would be grounds for divorce in my opinion, no questions asked.  I have always joked about finding myself a lover.  We even got to a point where we advertised on Craigslist to see what kind of responses I would receive.  Suffice it to say, I received quite a few responses.  Some weirdos and some that seemed like they might work.  I responded to a few.  I tried to arrange meetings with a few that ended up canceling at the last minute. My husband and I actually met someone for drinks that turned out to not be my type at all.  I have been very hesitant about it... until recently.

Well, I finally found a "friend with benefits" and a new adventure is beginning in our marriage.

I feel like this could be a very long post as my mind is going a mile a minute.  There is so much I want to share about this new adventure.  My husband's thoughts.  How it began.  The rules we have.  The veto power.  How I've changed since this new adventure started.  And more.  My husband has shared  his thoughts on our new adventure on his blog but I feel like I should share my side of the story.  I will try to break it down in my head and post about it all.  Any of my readers cuckolding at the moment? I would love to hear how your adventure started and where you are now? Any advice on this lifestyle would also be appreciated.

Thanks for reading,
Suzy


Thursday, June 21, 2012

50 Shades of Grey

I was interested what my readers thought about the book 50 Shades of Grey.  I had heard alot of people talking about "The Book" but really didn't know what it was about.  My dear husband said it was about S&M.  Since my husband and I have begun a Dominant wife, submissive husband relationship, I became interested.  My husband then went ahead and bought me the book (alterior motives, of course!) I have to say that I have enjoyed reading the book so far.  Even though their relationship is reversed, it's the male who is dominant and the female the submissive.  I have found many aspects of the book to be intriguing.  What have others thought?  Something that has been rather upsetting to me is how the Christian leaders have taken a strong stance against it!  As a Christian myself, I am rather offended that people feel like they have the right to tell me what I can and can't read.  They argue that desire should come from you husband and not from a book.  Is it wrong to read a sensual book and get more desires FOR my husband.  I enjoy reading the book and then when I put it down have passionate sex with my husband!  Is that wrong?! I am not talking about cheating and having an affair outside of my marriage.  If bondage and pain is something we enjoy within our own marriage why do others feel like they can tell us it's wrong!  We both enjoy this type of relationship.  Reading the book has given me some great ideas too :) What do you all think?

Saturday, April 7, 2012

deflated...

This is where the title of my blog makes sense.  I do realize that men and women are different and they think differently.  Sometimes my husband will blog about our sexual experiences, how he saw it and it may be very different from how I saw it.  It does seem like my husband posts when we have a great session and I seem to post when it was a not so great experience.  This may be a long story as I feel like I have to explain the entire scenario.  Let's go way back... I grew up Catholic where sex was not looked at in a positive way.  I am a rather shy and reserved person so for me to say that I am trying to live a life as a dominant wife in a female led marriage is a big deal.  I have had to shed a lot of inhibitions and I still hold on to some.  My husband and I haven't been in this type of a relationship very long so I would assume that the mistakes we make are mistakes that are common in the beginning of a FLM, not sure.  In our relationship, as in every relationship, trust is a big deal.  If I can't trust the person I am with then the inhibitions come to the fore front.  I start slowly with some simple dominant things then as I see him listening and doing as I tell him what to do and how to please me I gain more trust.  Then it can culminate with an awesome session where I tie him up, smack him ass and squeeze his cock to both his and my desire.  Sometimes he will top from the bottom before I can get to that extreme point of comfort and then my confidence is shot and I feel deflated and unsure.  Our last experience is a perfect example of this and I am not sure where we can go from here because it seems to be the same thing over and over again.  We are going great and I have these wonderful plans and then "pop", my balloon is deflated.  Now, here is what happened....I feel like our relationship was going really well.  I had locked his cock up a few times over the last few months but there wasn't too much ass smacking, no use of the strap-on, not much ball torture.  Just some fun play.  I was finally at the high point where I was ready to bring on the pain...and I was so excited because I had some great plans for him.  I have been listening to what my readers have posted and to what my husband wanted (or at least what I thought he wanted).  I sent him a text and told him that I wanted him to lock up on Thursday night!  I was pretty assertive about this and proud of myself for it.  I felt powerful and in control as my husband likes and I was building up that aspect of myself.  I really wanted this play to be about me!  He came home that night and did as he was told.  He put on his chastity belt and waited for his queen to lock the lock.  I then proceeded to wear the key as that makes him wild!  I always joke about losing the key somewhere.  The next day I told him that I wanted to do some ass whipping and that he had to go to the sex shop and buy me another ass whipping tool.  We already have about 3 different ones.   I told him it had to be one that would cause extreme pain.  I said that if I didn't agree with him regarding the tool he bought then he would be punished!  Which was fun for both of us to hear/say!  I also was very firm about the fact that nothing would happen sexually until I received that pain inducing tool!  You need to understand that my husband is really big on working out after work.  I appreciate the fact that he likes to keep himself healthy and in shape for me but today was about me.  I was hoping he would maybe miss out on a workout to make it to the sex store (before it closes) to please me and follow my orders.  I would have been rather dissapointed if he would have prioritized working out over following my orders ( just for this one night) Well, he did as he was told and came home with a new spanking tool.  He was excited to show me but I said that I didn't want to see it until it was time to use it!  I then told him that I changed my mind and that I wanted to go to sleep early tonight to get a good nights sleep for our play the next night.  I had some great pain inducing plans that I know would take a lot of time and energy.  We then proceeded to watch "our" show together (those who follow my husband's blog know what show I am talking about).  We watched our recording of Desperate Housewives.  He was rubbing my feet throughout the entire show (which is always how we watch this show) as I wanted him to. Once again the attention is on me.  We then proceeded to go upstairs when he cuddled me and I asked him to rub my back.  This is where the night changes...My husband says "but I just massaged you for an hour".  I could sense the frustration in him and his complaining about having to rub my back some more.  I decided to use my assertive wife is in charge attitude and I said "oh, so now you are complaining about that" as I thought he wanted me to be assertive.  (I said this in a way to inform him that now he is in more trouble and would receive a harsher spanking).  He then proceeded to get upset with me for saying that he was complaining.  Instead of accepting his punishment and apologizing to his queen.  I reminded him that I had said the sex play wasn't going to happen this evening and his response was "Oh, I thought you were just kidding when you said that."  Really!  It wasn't like I hinted it or anything, I was explicit about my thoughts and feelings.  What he had said that upset me the most was "so I could have worked out instead of buying the new tool?!"  Once again it was his expectation of what he expected to happen which was different than what I wanted.  It then made me feel insignificant because he felt like he should have worked out instead of buying the new tool because he didn't get to have the sex play he wanted and thought he deserved.  I am still upset as I write this.  Why couldn't it be one night entirely about me?  I feel deflated and now we are back to square one.  I thought he wanted me to be assertive and take control and tell him what to do...but when I do that, it always seems to backfire and go back to what he wants and expects and not what I want!  Oh, the plans that I had for his ass!  Well, I hope I was able to get my story across to my readers.  Plese let me know if you do not understand where I am coming from.  Well, I should go!  Thanks again for listening.  I hope this isn't a typical cycle for us because it does take me a very long time to rebuild that trust once I have been let down!